I think somebody's a little bitter about their declining attendance.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Simply Relational--Part 1
There is intentional irony in the title of this article. Relationship "stuff" is simple in print, but it's wildly difficult to practice. And when you attempt to be consistent in your pursuit of great relationships, few, if any of us nail it all the time.
Let's start with some sage wisdom from others. "Treat people as though they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of being." (Goethe) "The most useful person in the world today is the man or woman who knows how to get along with other people. Human relations is the most important science in living." (Stanley C. Allyn) "Do you realize that one in every four Americans is unbalanced? Think of your three closest friends. If they seem okay, then you're the one!" (Ann Landers) If those don't work for you, try this. "You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone." (Al Capone)
Mr. Capone may not be the most reliable source of practical relationship wisdom, so let me offer you of one of the best. Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) wrote the book titled How to Win Friends and Influence People. He wrote it in 1936. There is truly nothing new under the sun. In my opinion, it's a classic. So simple, and yet few practice all that he writes about. Carnegie says things as simple as know people's names, smile, encourage others, put others first, don't criticize, admit when you are wrong, praise often, say I'm sorry, and on the list goes. If I could add "share your graham crackers" that's the stuff I taught my kids. It's crazy simple.
So why then is it so difficult for adults to practice this stuff consistently? Bottom line. We're human, check out Genesis 3. We are part of a fallen and sinful world. James 4:1-2 says: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it." As leaders we must intentionally practice behaving in a way that is better than our sin-bent hardwiring. The good news is that II Corinthians 5:17 tells us we are a new creation. We are capable, with the help of the Holy Spirit, of living in a better way!
In keeping with the idea of "simple", I'm offering a few questions in this two part series. In this article, I'm addressing negative things to refrain from, and in the next article, positive things to live by. There is so much to choose from, but here are my three top choices for you to avoid. Make sure they are simply not part of your relational life!
• Are you demanding by nature?
Most leaders are type A, driven, and "push" people, at least to some degree. Pushing people is much different than being a pushy person. A "push" can feel like a loving nudge in the right direction or like someone just shoved you over a cliff. A better word than pushing is leading. The picture of a leader is one who is out front inviting others to come forward. The picture of pushing is more of someone behind you making you go where you don't want to go. The truth is, leaders do both. And whether or not the outcome is favorable is based largely upon if you are demanding by nature or by function.
A leader who is demanding by nature is never satisfied and often makes demands to satisfy his or her personal agenda. This can stem from not knowing what you want (where you are going) or personal insecurities and needs. A leader who is demanding by function (responsibility) does so for the good of the people and the organization. No one likes to follow someone who is demanding by nature. More bricks less straw! This person is at best a bully, and at worst, a tyrant. Everyone will follow a leader who is tough but cares. (Demanding by function.) The greatest coaches, teachers and leaders all have high standards and refuse to lower them. The leader who is demanding by nature will eventually forfeit leadership.
• Do you have a need to control?
Let me slice this one thin. Leaders must control. Its part of everything from the wise usage of money to keeping the people aligned with the central purpose of the organization. This is significantly different than being a controlling leader. The controlling leader needs to control as a way to make up for fears, insecurities, and inabilities. The controlling leader operates out of a scarcity rather than abundance mindset. The controlling leader refuses to empower and let go. A leader who takes control does so owning responsibility for the betterment of the organization. This leader makes tough decisions about finances, staffing and direction to keep the organization alive and healthy. When no one takes control, we say the organization is out of control. That's not good!
Can you think of someone who, on a laid-back Saturday night playing games, just has to win? No matter what the cost! From powering up and getting loud to quoting the rules, this person must control the game! No fun huh?! Now think of a Saturday game night where someone took control to see that people were invited, food was there hot and on time, an appropriate game was selected, and even tended to the right chemistry in the room. Big difference! That's how people experience the difference between someone who takes control and someone who is controlling.
• Do you possess a critical spirit?
By a critical spirit I'm referring to something much deeper than someone in a brief bad mood or behaving a little crabby one morning. While a good leader seldom acts like this, those two benign examples are part of being human. When someone has a critical spirit it's something that comes from deep within them. It's a sort of relational default system that first finds the flaws and worst in people before, or instead of, seeing the best. Let me be blunt, if you are like this, people are naturally repelled from you. You may have a title or position that forces them to engage you but they don't like it. You may be smart and good at what you do but they still don't want to be around you. Critical people are usually picky and negative. Though they are often very bright, that intelligence can get the best of them. They can't help but to point out the flaws. A critical leader could redeem things a little by providing good solutions. But even that doesn't last over the long haul. People just don't want to be around some one with a critical spirit.
Demanding and controlling people usually know they are demanding and controlling, but critical people often don't realize they are critical. This is a huge blind spot. In fact, when confronted, it's possible they will find fault (defend themselves) and point out the flaw in your thinking! This makes being critical one of the worst relational flaws anyone, especially leaders, can have. Breaking free can be difficult but it's doable. It requires that you see life differently. It requires that you gain a different perspective. Look for potential over problems, express gratitude not complaints and assume the best in people. If you are not sure where you stand, ask a trusted friend who is smart and a strong leader. Ask them to be honest and to help you get freed up from being critical. A critical spirit is truly one of the greatest limitations to leadership that anyone can experience.
I pray these thoughts are helpful and encouraging both to you and those you lead. Part two will jump to the positive side of the simply relational idea. Stay tuned!
This article is used by permission from Dr. Dan Reiland's free monthly e-newsletter, "The Pastor's Coach," available at www.INJOY.com.
Let's start with some sage wisdom from others. "Treat people as though they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of being." (Goethe) "The most useful person in the world today is the man or woman who knows how to get along with other people. Human relations is the most important science in living." (Stanley C. Allyn) "Do you realize that one in every four Americans is unbalanced? Think of your three closest friends. If they seem okay, then you're the one!" (Ann Landers) If those don't work for you, try this. "You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone." (Al Capone)
Mr. Capone may not be the most reliable source of practical relationship wisdom, so let me offer you of one of the best. Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) wrote the book titled How to Win Friends and Influence People. He wrote it in 1936. There is truly nothing new under the sun. In my opinion, it's a classic. So simple, and yet few practice all that he writes about. Carnegie says things as simple as know people's names, smile, encourage others, put others first, don't criticize, admit when you are wrong, praise often, say I'm sorry, and on the list goes. If I could add "share your graham crackers" that's the stuff I taught my kids. It's crazy simple.
So why then is it so difficult for adults to practice this stuff consistently? Bottom line. We're human, check out Genesis 3. We are part of a fallen and sinful world. James 4:1-2 says: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it." As leaders we must intentionally practice behaving in a way that is better than our sin-bent hardwiring. The good news is that II Corinthians 5:17 tells us we are a new creation. We are capable, with the help of the Holy Spirit, of living in a better way!
In keeping with the idea of "simple", I'm offering a few questions in this two part series. In this article, I'm addressing negative things to refrain from, and in the next article, positive things to live by. There is so much to choose from, but here are my three top choices for you to avoid. Make sure they are simply not part of your relational life!
• Are you demanding by nature?
Most leaders are type A, driven, and "push" people, at least to some degree. Pushing people is much different than being a pushy person. A "push" can feel like a loving nudge in the right direction or like someone just shoved you over a cliff. A better word than pushing is leading. The picture of a leader is one who is out front inviting others to come forward. The picture of pushing is more of someone behind you making you go where you don't want to go. The truth is, leaders do both. And whether or not the outcome is favorable is based largely upon if you are demanding by nature or by function.
A leader who is demanding by nature is never satisfied and often makes demands to satisfy his or her personal agenda. This can stem from not knowing what you want (where you are going) or personal insecurities and needs. A leader who is demanding by function (responsibility) does so for the good of the people and the organization. No one likes to follow someone who is demanding by nature. More bricks less straw! This person is at best a bully, and at worst, a tyrant. Everyone will follow a leader who is tough but cares. (Demanding by function.) The greatest coaches, teachers and leaders all have high standards and refuse to lower them. The leader who is demanding by nature will eventually forfeit leadership.
• Do you have a need to control?
Let me slice this one thin. Leaders must control. Its part of everything from the wise usage of money to keeping the people aligned with the central purpose of the organization. This is significantly different than being a controlling leader. The controlling leader needs to control as a way to make up for fears, insecurities, and inabilities. The controlling leader operates out of a scarcity rather than abundance mindset. The controlling leader refuses to empower and let go. A leader who takes control does so owning responsibility for the betterment of the organization. This leader makes tough decisions about finances, staffing and direction to keep the organization alive and healthy. When no one takes control, we say the organization is out of control. That's not good!
Can you think of someone who, on a laid-back Saturday night playing games, just has to win? No matter what the cost! From powering up and getting loud to quoting the rules, this person must control the game! No fun huh?! Now think of a Saturday game night where someone took control to see that people were invited, food was there hot and on time, an appropriate game was selected, and even tended to the right chemistry in the room. Big difference! That's how people experience the difference between someone who takes control and someone who is controlling.
• Do you possess a critical spirit?
By a critical spirit I'm referring to something much deeper than someone in a brief bad mood or behaving a little crabby one morning. While a good leader seldom acts like this, those two benign examples are part of being human. When someone has a critical spirit it's something that comes from deep within them. It's a sort of relational default system that first finds the flaws and worst in people before, or instead of, seeing the best. Let me be blunt, if you are like this, people are naturally repelled from you. You may have a title or position that forces them to engage you but they don't like it. You may be smart and good at what you do but they still don't want to be around you. Critical people are usually picky and negative. Though they are often very bright, that intelligence can get the best of them. They can't help but to point out the flaws. A critical leader could redeem things a little by providing good solutions. But even that doesn't last over the long haul. People just don't want to be around some one with a critical spirit.
Demanding and controlling people usually know they are demanding and controlling, but critical people often don't realize they are critical. This is a huge blind spot. In fact, when confronted, it's possible they will find fault (defend themselves) and point out the flaw in your thinking! This makes being critical one of the worst relational flaws anyone, especially leaders, can have. Breaking free can be difficult but it's doable. It requires that you see life differently. It requires that you gain a different perspective. Look for potential over problems, express gratitude not complaints and assume the best in people. If you are not sure where you stand, ask a trusted friend who is smart and a strong leader. Ask them to be honest and to help you get freed up from being critical. A critical spirit is truly one of the greatest limitations to leadership that anyone can experience.
I pray these thoughts are helpful and encouraging both to you and those you lead. Part two will jump to the positive side of the simply relational idea. Stay tuned!
This article is used by permission from Dr. Dan Reiland's free monthly e-newsletter, "The Pastor's Coach," available at www.INJOY.com.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Facing "Mountains"
There's a story told about Sir Edmund Hillary, who was the first (along with Tenzing Norgay) to reach the top of Mount Everest.It happened on his third try. On Hillary's previous attempt he not only failed to reach the summit, but his team also lost one of its members.
After the failed attempt, Hillary spoke to an audience about his experience. Behind him on the platform was a huge photograph of Everest. Hillary turned toward the photograph and said, "Mount Everest, you have defeated us. But I will return. And I will defeat you. Because you cannot get any bigger ... and I can."
When it comes to facing mountains, do you know how we 'get bigger'? It starts with faith. Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)
Edmund Hillary became 'bigger than Everest' through better planning, more detailed research, greater teamwork, and tenacious perseverance. And it started with faith -- the faith that this mountain could be conquered.
No doubt you're facing a mountain or two today: a mountain of debt, a mountain of fear, a mountain of uncertainty. Mountains don't move without determined effort, thoughtful planning, or courageous perseverance.
And these things all begin with faith. It is faith that gives you the wherewithal to attempt something bigger than you. Not faith in ourselves, but faith in the God for whom nothing is impossible.
Monday, November 30, 2009
So What Do You Think?
The ESPN Article Said: A defiant Mark Mangino insisted he plans to be the coach at Kansas next year, but will have no regrets if he's not. Mark Mangino's future as Kansas coach is uncertain at best. The Jayhawks lost their last seven after starting the season 5-0.
"A friend of mine told me something one time I think is a very good way to go about life," the embattled coach said after Missouri rallied for a 41-39 victory Saturday night. "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees."
This Made Me Wonder: This seems contrary to the way Christ-followers live. Consider this:
- The Bible says: "Let him who is standing take heed lest he fall."
- Or as Petra sang: "Get on your knees and fight like a man."
- Or, "A man is never so tall as when he is on his knees."
Maybe I am making too much of this--what do you think?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
A Real Groaner
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then on west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.
They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.
For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.
They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.
They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach…only to find the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then on west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.
They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.
For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.
They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.
They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach…only to find the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Keep Looking Up!
In Luke 21 Jesus talks about all the negative things that are occurring in the world: There will be wars & revolutions & earth quakes & famines. He said people will experience a sense of fear & distress.But these events will lead up to the climactic return of Christ when He’ll come—and quite literally, save the day for his people. Jesus said in v 28: "When these things begin to happen, look up & lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near."
Friends—you can be sure that your most difficult days, the most difficult times you face, are not a permanent condition. Your life isn't going to disintegrate into chaos; this won't keep getting worse & worse forever. Your redemption is drawing near.
Jesus spoke these words about the 2nd coming & that’ll certainly be a great & glorious event. But I want you to know that these words don't just apply to one day far off in the future. They apply to your life today.
We see again & again throughout scripture when people keep looking up to God in the face of challenging circumstances, God comes through for them in a powerful way.
- When Joseph was in prison, he kept looking up until God delivered him.
- When Daniel was in the lion's den, he kept looking up until God delivered him.
- When David faced a giant, he kept looking up & God delivered him from the hand of the enemy.
- Even Jonah, when he found himself in the belly of a big fish as a result of his own rebellion, he started looking up & God came through for him.
- When Paul & Silas were shackled in a dungeon, they kept looking up until God came through.
- When Peter was arrested & put in prison for preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, he kept looking up until the Lord removed his chains & opened the prison door & enabled him to go free.
We see this principle demonstrated again & again throughout Scripture: Those who wait on the Lord, they shall inherit the earth (Psalm 37:9).
So Jesus says when the world seems to be falling down around you, don't fix your eye on your circumstances. Instead, lift up head, look up to Him. Your redemption is drawing near. He is on his way.
Just like He entered this world on Christmas day in order to save us from our sins, He will enter your life to deliver you from the troubles you are facing.
So make it a habit to look up. No matter what you're facing, keep looking up. No matter how dark today may seem to be, keep looking up.
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